beautiful warrior

It’s very hard to watch your parents waste away.  Especially both at the same time.  This is not what I expected, though, nothing that happens is really what I expect.  It’s  a  process.  People go thorough the same things but it still sucks.

There is way too much going on in the world for me not to write about it.  I have been super busy, but I think that I will not let that be an excuse anymore.  Besides, I need the practice of writing, so indulge me…

i want to share with you

blackberries

and

sugar.

open your mouth

and

your mind

to what is possible,

to what is sweet.

do not worry about

appearances.

just let the juices flow.

i will clean them up.

we will taste the summer

you will go back to your girlfriend

and

i wiil end up alone.

i just wanted to write that i can’t think of anything to write.

i don’t think that who i am is a static thing.  that what i am today will be who i am tomorrow.  i feel that is a good thing as new information is received and experiences are had and that shapes you.  i don’t want to be made to feel that i have to have all the answers right now and act accordingly.

also, what is up with people.  there needs to be more communication.  verbal communication not what is had through email and online.  feelings get hurt when you can’t correctly emphasize your emotions-i mean you can use italics or bold or something but it’s just not the same as a hand on a shoulder, or a giggle in your speech.

i don’t digress easily

another rainy monday

and i am not surprised by this feeling of

melancholy.

though i am surprised that this feeling keeps comes back.

situates itself as if it were family.

kicks its feet up and asks for a beer.

Changing your mother’s diaper puts things in perspective.

Just looking at some old writing and stumbled upon this…

Dec 16, 2005

The Nose Ring.

Getting my nose pierced was an uneventful affair.  After a long, and ineffectual meeting with like-minded people who want to change the world, but can’t even figure out how to agree on a location for dinner, I persuaded my brother, my chauffer at the moment since I don’t drive, to take me to a local tattoo and piercing studio.  Sacred Heart, on lower Westhiemer, is an established studio, and is known for their high quality work.  We walked in to a brightly colored room to a young and surprisingly, modestly pierced receptionist. She had a tiny stud in the space between her lower lip and the end of her chin. I told her that I wanted a nose ring and she began to tell me how to take care of the piercing and had me sign the waiver that would release Sacred Heart from any lawsuits I may file in the future.

I waited for about three minutes in the lobby.  There was a couple there whom I ignored, I was much too excited about my upcoming date with a surgical needle.  It seemed like three minutes passed and the owner came out to get me.  He was such a tiny man with bleached hair, he could’ve passed for a hairstylist except for the ink he had done.  He led me into a yellow room with windows everywhere, and asked me to sit on the dentist chair.  It was a cool chair from the sixties and I began to feel nervous.  He told me what he was going to do and I began to breathe heavily and asked him questions like, are you going to use a gun, or are you going to just push it through.  He told me to calm down and breathe in.  I did, and in a matter of seconds, it was done.  The pain was so slight that I had only one tear from my right eye, and it didn’t even fall.

I got up and left and instantly felt like a different person.  I felt that I was, somehow, more experienced in life.  That the world was separated into people with piercings, and those without, and I was now on the right side.  I know that a tiny piece of metal in my face doesn’t change anything.  I’m still trying to get myself through college.  I’m still looking for work. I just feel that I can face those things, and maybe anything that comes up with a newfound confidence in myself that wasn’t there before.  If a little piece of metal can do that, then everyone should go out and get pierced!